Gorgeous

Let's get one thing straight-
when I saw you on Tuesday
the first word
that came to my mind was
Gorgeous.
Not tired, or weaker
or bald or different,
though you were all of those things-
but first and most brilliantly,
Gorgeous.

In your life of lunches
and visits and car rides
it couldn't have been easy-
but there you were,
tying a scarf around your head
as if placing a sunhat
over the delicately arranged
grandma hair that
defined you for the years I've know you.
You gave me your jacket
for the still crisp Alexandria morning,
and we were on our way.

When we brought you
to the hospital
you pointed out the free coffee
(for patients and families of patients),
introduced us to your new friend
whose name I couldn't pronounce
and country I did not recognize.
You left us with the free coffee
and quietly disappeared into another room.

When you came back,
all pastels and smiles,
you told us how treatment
makes you feel like a pretzel,
and suggested a sandwich place
we could stop in on the way home.

And when we refused to take
the 20 dollar bill you waved
around the window into the place
you gave me this ridiculous,
eyebrowed look-
the silliest look I'd seen in a long time,
and one I would never, ever
expect from my grandma.
And even then you were
Gorgeous,
Striking beyond measure.

I'm

aching

for 

places

..

there must be

people

who

staple together

brochures

for their

scrapbooks

of

home

home

home

Bodyjesus

Bodyjesus
your soul in the sky
left a body
in our rubble-
like a great shoe,
we unshod children
walked in.

I thought there was something strange
but you were Jesus
so I looked twice-

Bodyjesus, your arms shouldn't bend that way
though better to reach behind your back,
your folded elbows make leather cups
that we cannot drink from
and the soft spot,
stretched and burnt by the sun-
do we not lose you even
in the dead shed cells of your skin?

Bodyjesus
you lost interest in the dewey grass,
elected to grow out your toenails-
they curled spiney around the pads
until they could not callous,
made it so that every soul
who comes to wash your feet
will cut his hands.

When you discovered
the many meters of intestines
just beneath your ribs
you pulled them out
and draped them over your arms
for the world to see,
Bodyjesus,

I saw you once
fling four of your own vertebrae
in a bout of rage-
you made new ones out of chicken wire,

assured me they were as good as new
but when you turn I can still see
the festering, fighting skin
in the small of your back.

When you feared the color blue
you went and bled your veins red,
When you hated what you saw
removed the eyes from your own head-
Could not hold your children
arms too full of daily bread,
Bodyjesus,

If your left hand was perfect
no one would notice,

Even the searching spirits
who wanted to be you,
they're shaking just to think-
What Would Bodyjesus Do?

Home VII

"Wake up, you sleepyhead

I think the sun's a little brighter today" 

Any day it's July 2010,

5:00 a.m to 6:00 a.m

on a back porch that isn't mine

and a Red Sweater-

heavy and porous,

heavy sleeping on my collarbones

and letting in the not-quite-cracked-sky's

first exhaled breath;

it is cold and new and now familiar. 

"Go down to the shore, kick off your shoes

dive in the empty ocean"

When you're driving at first sun-smirk,

you see their home in a way that they maybe haven't yet-

even if they grew up here

and know it well,

so well that they can't wait to get out.

"Tell me that everything is all taken care of

by those qualified to take care of it all"

They could tell you that the tree by Ironhorse and Route 185

is the biggest Sycamore in New England,

but what they don't know is how it looks 

when the first rays of sunshine

race 93 million miles through matter

to touch its surface,

dance with light foot and quiet heart

on its knots and hollows,

still cool from the night.

"Though we would like to believe we are,

we are not in control- though we would love to believe"

I found the quiet

I found the sunshine, the moment

where the two brush fingers-

just by Route 185

and if you were not awake 

to see it

know with barefoot and fond heart

that I loved it enough for both of us.

*all quoted text is from the song "Dive In" by Dave Matthews Band.

The door was off its hinges
so we walked in,
you see she's never been the type
to carry keys
and today it doesn't matter.
In the wake of
unborn biographies
turned faction-fiction
all I wanted to do
was play God-
talk to someone
who could not exist
and make her a beautiful
that would shock the stars,
stop the cars
and blur the concept-
Begin.
Eve was made of ribs
but you are made of
prefrontal cortex and heart,
the time
growing wide and tall
that it may take
if it takes,
stick-strike-slip will
Make
you just gorgeous-
as real as they come.
You will own
the lifewater in my hands,
wick it away
when you are thirsty-
I will give you my
Eve-rib everything,
tonight I will have
turned a day
when I left something centered
and she will be you.
I will build you
and I will thank you.
I will leave you out to dry.

A to B

I took my straight line
stretched it out
and tied it around
all of you,
to your ankles
said
"make me love me,
I love you
love me
I'll love too
if you do"
when there's truth
to find truth,
you said
it's out there-
find it, go-
you're scratching
at your knees
when you should be
scratching at the sky,
why aren't you
scratching at the sky?
Skin fabric
around love
that I love
(love me)
when we ask "why"
don't say "because"-
don't word
just deed
(love me)
plant seeds
that are truth
grow more truth,
in the sky
and not your knees
Skin-hold
on the breed
love you
and love you
and love seeds
grow trees
trees that will
scratch the sky
and not the breed
love breed
(love me)
truth tied to your ankles
like trees,
roots-fiber-word-deed
want, need
not knees
scratch ticket
plant trees
make truth
not breed
less because
more seeds
love you.
(love me.)

"All is Well"

Grass- breathing green,
chlorophyl dreams,
more magnolia matter
than new gasoline-
If someone
told me
"All is well,"
I'd believe...